Still Nursing

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AMEN!!!

…from a fellow sister in nursing an (almost) 18-month old. You said it exactly right. Exactly.

Many times when I see a woman who nurses in public, I actually try to thank her (in as non-weird a way as possible.)

It usually goes like this:

“Hi, I hope this doesn't weird you out. I am a doula and just an advocate for moms & babies in general, and I just want to say, thank you for providing the best nourishment for your baby that you can, and thank you for doing it out in the world like a normal person. I hope that people who see you every day will remember that this is what people should think is normal…”

…of course I try to gauge in some way whether I am making them uncomfortable at any point. I just hope to balance out any of the negative crap so many moms hear, esp. about breastfeeding in public.

Amen to all of it. BFing has just always felt right to me, and when it stops feeling right to me (to ME, not to anyone else) is when we'll stop. Why anyone else thinks this is any of their business is just baffling.

The other week I was with my friend whose son is just over one year old, and she hadn't ever nursed him in front of me before. She covered him up with a blanket, but he kept pushing it away. I finally told her that I didn't mind her feeding her son in front of me, and that if it bothers him to be covered, then let him be out. We were in her livingroom, for crying out loud. The LAST thing women should be doing is spending time being ashamed or worried about who they are offending with their breastfeeding. Actually, she told me she'd been trying to wean him, and my first reaction was (a thought, not spoken) “Already?!”

Thank you for saying it. I saw your Tweets yesterday and was annoyed that people suck. Annoyed again. Baby Girl is 9 months now and I think about weaning at a year, but then I think why should I? You have given me inspiration to continue. Also, why is how we feed our children anyone else's business?

Great post, Maria. I'm truly amazed at how many people in 2010 are offended by breastfeeding in public and think it should happen in restrooms or cars. Cars in Florida in May? Tampabay.com published a story about this Tampa Bay mom and very few readers saw any reason why the mom was a) still nursing, or b) not hiding away somewhere.

14 months for both of mine. And I stopped simply when they stopped. I certainly never apologized for any of it because I was *shocker* FEEDING MY CHILDREN. I saw the same blonde news lady too. I felt the same “are you F-ing kidding me that this is even an ISSUE? And can we get back to Glee?” Congratulations on doing what you've done for your wonderful boy. I can't believe he's 18 months!!! He's amazing, boobs are amazing and so are you.

My daughter is 22 months and I'm still breastfeeding, although it's mostly a matter of comfort for her anymore. I have to say, I am ready to be done. I want my body back. I was trying to wait for her to show she was done, though, which doesn't seem to be happening any time soon.

I always say: “We're shooting for at least two years of nursing. That's what the World Health Organization recommends.”

Probably some people (like my MIL) find it obnoxious, but I don't want them to think for an instant that I'm defensive or trying to make excuses. There is not a single thing unnatural about nursing a toddler. For most people in most places in almost all of history, it would have been taken for granted that you'd be nursing your 18-month-old. Our society's perspective on the topic is what is unnatural.

This is not to say that I judge women who don't nurse their toddlers. I don't judge women for not nursing because I don't know their circumstances and we all have to make the best decisions we can with what we have. And hey, some women probably just don't want to nurse their one-year-olds, and I respect that. But I wish that the culture in general had more respect for what is, essentially, a good and natural and human thing – nursing toddlers.

Also, FWIW, my sixteen-month-old still nurses probably ten times a day. (Not for nutrition, usually, just for comfort.) So you with your twice-a-day – so not shocking.

Uh, shoot, I just reread that and I hope the end doesn't sound like I don't think it's *impressive* that you're nursing your 18-month-old twice a day. I do! I think it's awesome! I just don't find it shocking at all.

Karen, I love TampaBay.com but most of the time i can't tolerate the comments. I don't know what's up with that readership but I see so much DRAMA all the time. And some really ignorant, mean stuff. I actually saw much more reasonable comments on MyFoxTampaBay but I think that's because you have to use your Facebook account to comment so folks don't have such a cloak of anonymity to freak out with.

Thank you for reading and for being supportive!

I think you know where I am on this. I think it is awesome that you're into your second year breastfeeding Moose. I don't think you're sniggering behind your hand because Katie was breastfed precisely one time. You know my situation and respect it; I know yours and respect it, too. The only way feelings get hurt I. These sorts of discussions is when someone says moms who don't breastfeed don't love/respect/care for their children as much as mothers who do. Goes back to my main theme of life: it's not all about me. So, you go, Mama, no rush, no shame. Do what Moose needs for as long as he needs. You rock!

I was pregnant and/or breastfeeding for TWENTY YEARS. only 5 kids, btw. Just worked out that way.

Thank goodness I wasn't on the internet the whole time. I have no idea why it's so divisive and strange, but I observe that.

My third baby just turned one and I am still nursing her like twice and sometimes three times a day, and I never expected to go this long, or to feel so weird about stopping. My other two only nursed for 9 months, so this is the oldest child I've nursed. It's the only time I get alone with her and it's so, so pleasant. I don't want to think that other people are judging that. For God's sake. Great post, good luck, you should be proud of yourself!

That is EXACTLY what I tell people when they ask when I'm going to wean my daughter. “When it feels right.”

Great post. I applaud you.

I'm new to your blog (came from a Twitter link) and I just wanted to say thanks for this. I'm still nursing my 14 month old, and she's showing no signs of being ready to stop, so I'm just going with it. My mom actually nursed me until I was 3 (which I'm only embarrassed about because she tells me stories about taking me to the grocery store and me asking loudly to go home and “do the other siiiiide!!”), and while I hope to be done nursing my daughter before she's that age, I feel lucky that I had a mom who was willing to nurse me for so long.

So I say good for you! And even better for your son.

I'm pregnant with my first, so I don't have experience breastfeeding in private OR in public yet. But, I do plan on breastfeeding for as long as it works for us, and in whatever locations I need to use. I never realized before getting pregnant what an issue it can be… and I think it is so weird! I saw lots of women breastfeeding when I was a kid. I never thought a thing of it. It was just what moms did with their babies.

Isn't it still as simple as that? Moms feeding their kids? Why does it have to be a capital D Deal?

Awesome post!

Perfect. I breastfed my daughter until she was almost 20 months old. At the end it was only right before bed. I think it is ridiculous when people try to say that it is unnatural to nurse past a year. In many cultures women are nursing much past that point. It is natural, nutritious and totally up to the mom and child to decide how long they will continue. Good for you for making it 18 months, I applaud you.

I'm STILL nursing too. Happily. To a 21-month-old. To the critics? Meh.

Good for you!! Avery is almost 14 months and still nurses about three times a day unless she's teething and then it's MARATHON TIME. It is no ones business when you plan on weaning.

I think any woman who breast feeds is a rock star! I know first-hand nursing is easier for some people than others. My daughter was born with some issues. Nursing was difficult for her and me. I weighed her before / after every feeding to ensure she received enough milk. The inconvenience was well worth it as I was doing something natural and good for her. We only lasted 8 months, but I was proud of what we accomplished given the situation. So, I think anyone who nurses is a ROCK STAR.

Darn right you shouldn't be ashamed! Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world and no one can or should make the decision on when to stop breastfeeding your child, except you and your little one. So basically, good on you, and more power to you!

I knew I'd try to nurse my kids for a year. I had no idea that it would go so well we'd end up going for around two years apiece! As much as I agree that a mother's decision to nurse is not a political choice but a parenting decision, I don't think we can escape the politics of breastfeeding in public. People have strong opinions about it, which amazes me, because a hundred years ago, there really wasn't any other option and no one gave a shit about seeing mothers feed their babies then.

You go girl.

Ah yes, my daughter is almost 16-months and we've had a few of those “what, still nursing?” comments here and there. In my eyes, I'm prepared to nurse til she's 4 if that's what she wants.

We mamas need to do what's right for US and our babes, everyone else can shove it

Keep it up mama

So, I'm in the EXACT same boat except that, fortunately for me, the reactions I get from people are along the lines of, “good for you!” and “that's great!” People are totally shocked though. I don't know how long we'll continue for but judging by my 16m/o's enthusiasm, no time soon. When I see how much he WANTS to do it, it amazes me that so many women are able to ween in the 12m/o window. It would be harder work to ween at this point than to continue nursing. That's how I know it's the right thing to do. With the battles over diaper changes and the reckless way he approaches stairs/chairs/life, we don't need to be fighting over this as well.

Rock on, Maria. And your Boo-bahs.

Way to go!!

Best blog I've ever read, ever.

My oldest self weaned at 19-20 mo. My youngest is still nursing at 22mo. Maybe she will stop tomorrow, maybe not until next year but regardless it will be her choice when to stop. Good for you for continuing.

I would like to think that someday it will be perfectly natural to ALWAYS see mothers nursing in public.

I also never planned to still be nursing my son, who turns 3 years next week… As it happens, it has nothing to do with my agenda… it's more his agenda that he keep his “milkies” for as long as possible, because they are his favorite things in the world.

i so agree with EVERYTHING you say.. ive only been breastfeed for 5 weeks and i love it.. it feels to me like i should do it.. isnt that what breast are for?? my 2 yr old son sees me breast fed and he doesnt think of breast.. he says eat.. eat.. he knows thats how his sister gets her food.. in wal-mart the other day we passed the bra isle and he walked up to a bra and said eat.. eat.. it made me feel so good to know that he understands breast is not a play thing.. its food..

and what gets me is other peoples reactions.. i had my 2 yr old son outside for like 5 mins and my daughter started crying so she NEEDED to eat so i put a blanket over me and started to nurse because i couldnt go in.. my 2 yr old would of NEVER went for that.. so i fed her.. and the lady across the street started throwing me dirty looks.. and took her 3 yr old son inside saying. no we HAVE to go in thats nasty.. well here comes my 17 yr old brother walking down the street.. he waves at me.. and i wave back.. when he gets to wear i was sitting he was like OH im sorry i dint even know you were feeding her.. so a 17 yr old a GUY.. dint notice i was nursing but yet a lady across the street did.. i dont push my ways on anyone nor do i tell someone that is bottle feeding that they are wrong.. i never threw dirty looks at the woman across the street when she was bottle feeding her kid.. nor did i tell my son he had to go in because that was nasty!!

some people just get me mad..

Good job, mama! My sentiments exactly!

I know exactly how you feel. I never know if I should battle the ignorance or just ignore it – and some days I choose a different path depending on my mood. I NEVER DREAMED I would nurse my son as long as I did, but there never seemed to be a time where saying “Ok you're done” was appropriate either. So I let him lead the way, with gentle weaning techniques employed by me and we reached our “end” very slowly, and very peacefully – and we did what was right for OUR SITUATION. I had family and friends tell me that “he's too old” or “you are going to hurt him” which just enraged me. There seems to be something magical about the 1-year mark. I tell you, I got more comments between 12 and 20 months about “when are you going to stop” than I did when he was 3! You can read my nursing journey here: http://mommynewsblog.com/gentle-weaning-one-mom… and the “end” with our weaning journey here: http://mommynewsblog.com/do-you-remember/

You are doing a great thing mama!

I just stopped nursing a month ago, my son is the same age (November 08 baby). I stopped because I was done.
I have always gotten posiitive reactions so I feel very lucky and I loved when moms would be like ” are you still nursing” and then be like ” I miss that closeness”. Because I had it. I loved it. Loved never getting up to get a sippy cup. Keep going for ever or as long as you feel fit, you will know when you are done.

Truth is though, I love that I stopped nursing too. I am done, over it, love my new little boobies. Love that my old shirts fit. Love not feeling like I should be eating more all the time. Love that I can take ibuprofen when I have a headache and not wonder if I have taken too many that month.
My point is that you do what you feel and everyone else can just walk away. Being a mom can not be measured. Every mom does what is right and I think people just say things because they have nothing else to say. Those are the same people who talk about the weather.

Wow! Well said!

Wow! Well said!

hahahaha i love it!!! this was fun to read

i nursed my 5 year old till 18 months then he self weaned.

currently i am nursing 9 month old twins for how long….as long as possible.

this has given be some ideas on how to respond to others who would love to tell me how to take care of my kids.

thank you!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't feel that nursing my three and a half year old should be considered “extended breast feeding”. We were not designed to drink anything but breast milk as babies. Drinking milk of bovine animals is an adaptation that has had irrevokably damaged the human species as well as our planet. Domesticating cows and enslaving them for thier cancer causing meat and disease causing milk is causing the slow demise of our ecosystem. People think cows are just dumb animals but they have been passively and aggressively killing us since we began keeping them in concentration camps, hooked up to milking machine 23 hours a day, taking thier babies away from them to keep in boxes until they slaughter them for veal. Hitler may have done worse things to the Jews, but Unless he ate thier babies….

Oh yes. I remember thinking all of these things and more. I can't imagine that I wouldn't have still been nursing at 18 months! When confronted with “still?!” I usually just grinned, shrugged, and said, “Yep!” It was usually easier to just be natural about it . . . if for no other reason than to illustrate that it really is natural. And normal. And healthy. And fine.

BTW, before they had kids, my brother and SIL made some crude comments about my oldest nursing until two. And then GUESS WHO had a child who didn't wean until past the 18 month mark? So you just never know the impact of providing a subtle example.

Amen Thank You!! You just said exactly what I feel /felt My son just “graduated” from nursing at 3 yrs 3 months. I did not plan to be a full term nurser . It is just what my son seemed to need It was not a political act it was nourishing/ nurturing a child.

Awesome post!

I don’t breastfeed because it’s a big party in my bra.—-this made me LOL I'm nursing my 4 month old and I plan to nurse until he decides to stop

It's a relatively new phenomenon. When I nursed my kids, even in public, even when they were past 18 months (ok, so I only actually nursed one of them in public after 18 months), no one said anything, at least not to my face. No one came up to me at the funeral where I was nursing my nearly one year old and asked me to go elsewhere, no one came up to me at lady's Bible study where I was nursing my (GASP!) three year old and told me it was disgusting. No one came up to me in restaurants, or at church, or a the beach. People may have said things, but they didn't say them to me. Now people seem to feel that they not only have a right to an opinion, but that they have a right to express that opinion and embarrass you in the process. It has to do with the general lack of civility in our culture today. If people are offended they can look the other way. Generally there's very little to see anyway. Today I saw a blog where I mom admitted she'd just taken her 3 year old's pacifier away and she was embarrassed it had taken so long. Unless his dentist was worried about his bite, what did it matter? Well there are the pacifier police out there of course. Some kids greater sucking needs than others, take away the pacifier or the breast and they may find their thumb (or turn to cigarettes at 12). Baby them while they are babies and you won't have to baby them the rest of their lives. My late weaned child is a very independent adult today and graduated from college magna cum laude to boot.

Good for you! Women have been breastfeeding for thousands of years. Nothing wrong with it.

It's your decision. It takes courage to stick to our decisions when others look down upon them. Good for you for owning it!

For me it wasn't an option of being “able” to wean in the 12/mos timeframe. My daughter weaned herself at 8 mos and my son is 7 1/2 mos now and is on the same path. I planned on nursing for at least 12 mos, but I guess my kidlets felt differently…LOL!

My daughter nursed until 2 yrs 9 mos (my other three nursed until six weeks, 17 months (self-weaned), and 10 months (self-weaned)). I weaned my daughter because I was starting the third trimester of pregnancy with baby #3, and my nipples were decidedly NOT GOOD. I remember that question, “Are you still nursing?” Ugh. Why people feel both so strongly about it and so entitled to share their opinions, I don't understand.

I'm not saying this to be judgmental or to make you feel bad about anything–because good for you mama for making the choice to breastfeed for any length of time. It is none of my business at all. But for others reading this and in case you have another, purely for informational purposes, when babies stop breastfeeding before 12 months', it is considered a nursing strike. It is really common around 8-10 months and there are a number of theories as to why. My daughter and son both did it (lasted four days for each one) and then she went on to nurse to 18 months' when she stopped and he is still nursing at 20 months'.

This is a great post…except I'm kinda jealous about the 2x a day thing. In the last month my 20 month old has suddenly decided he wants to nurse CONSTANTLY. Plus he learned the word “nurse” recently. So he chases after me going “nurse, nursesss….NURSESSS….” It is like Golem. My first self-weaned at 18 months and was down to once or twice a day for the last three months of that.

Dude. Seriously? 18 months old is NOT extended breastfeeding. That's just regular breastfeeding. If you're nursing your 4 year old? Then I might start to look at you funny.

Of course, I also live in hippiesville where it's not all that rare to SEE someone nursing their 4-year-old.

i know a fair share of people who have gone past three years with their kid. to each their own, i say. you do what you do, baby girl. keep doing it.

Well said, Maria. I decided early on to respond with humor (otherwise I'd get all feisty and turn it into an argument). When people (read = my sister) asks how long I'm planning on nursing, when I'll wean, etc. I usually just respond that I'm hoping he goes to a community college so he'll be close enough to come home between classes.

I nevver had kids, but find it really strange that people have any problems with women nursing their babies-anywhere, really. It is just part of life. Moms just happen to have the food young babies need and they are not going to wait until it is the “correct” time or place to get that milk. They need to leave mothers alone to take care of their children.

I nurse a 3 year old and this article was so refreshing. Well said!

Good for you! I'm still nursing my 3 year old and once in awhile she even gets away with nursing in public!

Good for you! I'm still nursing my 3 year old and sometimes she even gets away with nursing in public!

so glad you posted this. we went 22 months and probably would have gone longer if i hadn't been huge and uncomfortable with baby #2.

no one should be made to feel like she should hide out when feeding her kid. those who don't like it? let THEM avert their eyes or eat THEIR lunch in the public restroom!

my 2 cents on it: http://www.somuchshoutingsomuchlaughter.com/200…

i just nursed my final baby for the very last time on saturday morning. we went for 21.5 months. the boy stopped at 8 months & the twins nursed to 15 months. it felt right to stop.

i got questions (mainly from my sister who never could breastfeed,) but just kept at it because it was what worked for us.

good on ya, mama!

now, i wish i could get her to wake up past 5:45…

Whatever, whenever, for howlongever..ok I made that last word up. I have one BUT..the logic that it's harder to ween than to not..and that with all of the fighting over diapers, etc you don't need to fight over this? Do it when every you think, but doing it because it's easier than not?? At some point you will have to ween and it will always be harder than not to take anything away from a kid….
Good luck

Well, Now there's an opinion….

I discovered the term “full-term breastfeeding” the other day, and now use that. Extended breastfeeding implies that “normal breastfeeding” is only a few months long, when biologically, that is silly. Go mom for “full-term” breastfeeding when the child decides to self-wean! awesome!

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I'm a little late to the conversation, just found your blog while surfing the internet, but I wanted to say good for you! I'm proud of you!

[...] eyebrow raised, if you were still nursing? Then you’ll love this piece by blogger Maria from Mommy Melee, who is still nursing and still is not [...]