The weekend blurred by, a fabulous mostly-departure from the craziness that ensured on the Internet on Friday. I enjoyed having my husband back. I slept in. I got Mexican food with my family. I took pictures of beautiful drag queens. I attended a small, awkward birthday party. I watched a 23-year-old home movie for almost two hours, my heart bursting and aching with the reminder of how much we have to lose.
(It’s nice to physically distance myself from this buzzing little portal to things that seem important when really—really—they’re not.)
The problem with the Internet is that my friends are here too. People I adore. Women I’ll stay up past my bed time to talk to, to listen to. Writers who make me laugh and absolutely break my heart. People who simply make me smile when I could use a smile.
So it’s hard to stay totally away. (Insert Brokeback Mountain joke here.)
And right now it feels a bit weird, sharing this space with a couple thousand extra pairs of hairy eyeballs who have never been and aren’t sure why they’re here. Are they clicking away in a hurry? Reading? Some of them are telling me my blog sucks. To which I say, your face sucks.
I don’t want to obsess about it. I don’t even really want to know. Because I don’t want to lose what this space is to me.
This is my place to write.
I get stage fright. I get writer’s block. I second-guess myself. I am not a confident person, despite the epic boner I wave with rage and self-righteousness illusion of confidence I’m sometimes able to craft with my words.
Tomorrow I’m going to do National Blog Post Writing Month because Izzymom said to and I’m a follower. I have no idea what will happen. Hopefully a few good things. I like writing. I like my friends. I like being part of something. As you may have noticed, I love a good argument.
But I don’t want to be no-no-notorious. I’m not a traffic whore. The ads on my blog aren’t traffic-based. Strangers make me nervous.
So, if you’re sticking around and you’re new around here. Hi! September is going to be weird!
Here’s a bit about me:
My name is Maria. I’ve been with my husband for ten years. I work full time from a home office. (Yes, I’ve upgraded from the couch.) I have two sons. One kid is three, the other is almost ten-months-old. I cloth diaper the little one. My oldest has a peanut allergy and a chronic motor tic or stereotypic movment disorder depending on who you’re asking. (We just call him awesome.) I watch a lot of television in the evenings. I used to knit a lot but I haven’t knitted anything in ten months. My Grandpa died in March. I’m struggling with depression and identity. I’m a friend of Maddie. If I can’t laugh at myself I’m a sad panda.
I’m never quite sure who I am.
Who are you?
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