Lately, unwinding has been a major priority of mine—yet something I’ve been putting off night after night. When I do unwind, I have some serious go-to unwinding mechanisms though:
• A glass of red wine.
• A bath with bubbly stuff or essential oils.
• Cookies or prosciutto.
• Mindless, wonderful television.
• Getting out of the house without the kids. Except for grocery shopping. Cause ew.
• Phone time with a ladyfriend.
• Picking at blackheads.
• A shower.
• Masturbating.
• Closing my laptop.
It’s hard to stop what I’m doing. My brain keeps whirring and whizzing. There’s laundry on the floors and dishes in the sink. I need to soak the diapers. I have four emails from a client. I’m worried about a deadline. I’m hiding from my bank account balance. I’m planning the morning. I’m not even in bed yet and I’m sighing over how little sleep I’ll get.
Earlier this year I went to the gym regularly. At least twice a week. I haven’t been since March when I got a really bad cold that knocked me on my ass for three weeks. And then, once I lost the baby weight, I lost my carrot.
But I think I need to focus on my physical health a little more. It’s not about trying to look good, it’s about feeling good.
I need to make some goals. (But God, the goals and lists stress me out too.)
One step at a time, one breath at a time, inching forward. Inching forward.
Taking control of my health.
Owning my moods.
Stopping. Listening. Being present when I hear Mama. Being present when I’m nursing. Looking into their eyes and being there, with them.
Last night I sat at the dinner table between my boys. We blared the classic rock station and my older son asked what each song was about. “What is he saying?” I took a bite of shells and cheese, spooned a bite of baby food to the right, and smiled to the left, “He’s saying to take the long way home.”
I can do these things.
And tonight? I’m going to let my husband put his arms around me. My shoulders ache, my neck is sore. I still feel little aftershocks of fuck, what happened to me in Chicago and will this happen again? and I need to be held for an evening.
Reboot.
Reboot.
How do you reboot?
Girl Talkers, it’s time to suggest the next round of topics. We have been doing this since March! Let’s make this a bigger thing. Let’s keep talking. The past month and half have inspired me. I don’t mean that in the Hallmark Card way. I’m very serious. Most of these topics end up being much more serious than I anticipated. My “fucking around” blogging day is often my “oops, this is a Thing now” day. And in case you were wondering if this is a For Real Thing, check out the awesome shout out we got on Blog Talk Radio last weekend in Chicago.
Don’t forget to sign the Linky and share the love. Many thanks to our participant prize sponsor, Eden Fantasys, for providing a gift certificate to randomly-drawn winners so they can buy sex toys or massage oils or whatnot.
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